Emotions as Internal Revolution...

Last night I cried so hard, I swear... I triggered and turned on a new experimental psychic nerve that hooks my heart up to the guts of humanity. I felt some new circuit grow and light up like a fire fly in the depths of my darkness. I cried so hard I felt like I challenged the banshees of the back waters of Louisiana to have a sound off in my bundled brain. This sorrow of the sullen was, of course, spawned by the various "intense" stories that are strewn around the planet these days, and of course the intensity of my own personal "loss" labeled... Daddy's Death.

I trusted the feeling tones and asked for protection as I made my way down into the depths of my own grief and despair... I found that these tendrils were here, present, all along, independent of the "stories" that seemed to navigate me to them. That the external stories were simply triggers to get me to FEEL the currents of what lays beneath this diaphragm day in and day out. Which is intense e-motion, energy in motion, and then after that is expressed... a whole lot of potent, nothingness...

I swear my jaw locked I cried so hard last night.

I felt all the shadows that so many light workers are so hell bent on denying. This is truly what Haiti is showing us. That we would be so willing to project the darkness of our own fragmented shadow onto the world instead of willingly working to integrate it, within our own psyche...

The moment after my jaw locked, and out sprawled a howl in symetrical proportion to the beasts that every breath of separation has ever spawned... I felt the lightest, sweetest, most precious connection to the Earth, Humanity, and Life... I have ever felt. I am a tracker of these tendrils, I am a life circuit junkie. I let out a laugh that had the innocence of the little girl within me. Before the traumas, before the traps, the death wishes, the dregs of duty, the obligations of society, the need to rail against the machine, for identity.

Even my skin felt softer.

There is no revolution that is needed from the outside. This is purely an internal process. Self revolution is the only option available for us as humanity as a whole... Nobody can breath for me. Nobody can feel for me. Nobody can offer solace from the outside in... This type of revolution must come from the inside out. The terrain of the Emotional realm is sometimes terrifying and I can see that most of the world was created to distract going within and developing the tools to safely navigate these mysterious emotions.

"Consume, don't feel" is the mantra of the world.

"Conceptualize, don't feel" is the mantra of the mind.

"Conform, don't feel" is the mantra of culture.

In the spirit of culture jamming... I intend to feel.